How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows for a Non-Traditional Ceremony

Writing your own vows is the most personal way to shape a non-traditional ceremony—especially in Napa Valley, where couples trade pews for vineyard overlooks, barrel rooms, and candlelit caves. Your vows become the emotional centerpiece: your voice, your story, your promises. If staring at a blank page feels daunting, this step-by-step Napa guide will get you from “where do I start?” to “that was unforgettable.”

Content collaboration and creative development credit: Sara Sutera Sanchez, CMP.

1) Align on the Essentials (Together)

Even if you’ll keep vows private, set a shared framework so they feel cohesive:

• Tone: funny, heartfelt, or a blend

• Length: aim for 250–400 words (about 1–2 minutes)

• Reveal: secret until the ceremony or quick preview the day before

• Boundaries & must-includes: any words, themes, or cultural elements you both want

Pro tip for Napa venues: confirm sound amplification (outdoor vineyards can be breezy) and decide whether to speak into a mic or handheld.

2) Reflect Before You Write

Jot notes—don’t edit yet. Try prompts:

• The moment I realized, “you’re my person,” was…

• What we’ve overcome together…

• Small, everyday rituals I cherish…

• How being with you has changed me…

Local touch: think of memories tied to wine country—a quiet walk in the vines, a sunset tasting, the first time you saw your venue. Specifics read as sincere, not staged.

3) Define Promises That Fit Your Partnership

You’re not bound to “for better, for worse.” Make vows that match your life together:

• I will support your wild ideas and your Sunday naps.

• I promise to grow with you—as individuals and as a team.

• I’ll choose patience when we’re hungry, lost, or both.

• I’ll keep our home full of laughter, music, and snacks.

• I’ll be your partner in health, adventure, and quiet.

4) Use Your Natural Voice

If you’re witty, let it sparkle; if you’re quiet and reflective, keep it simple. Write like you speak to your partner—not like you’re submitting a poem. Read every sentence out loud; if it sounds like you, you’re there.

5) Keep It Honest (and Specific)

Vulnerability is more powerful than perfection. Replace generalities with details:

• Instead of “you’re supportive,” try: “you sat with me on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. when I wanted to quit, and you made coffee.”

• Instead of “I’ll love you forever,” try: “I’ll love you on harvest days, on foggy mornings, and on every Tuesday we do laundry.”

6) Practice—But Leave Room for Emotion

Read your vows out loud a few times. Print them in a large font. It’s fine to cry, laugh, pause, or breathe. Your guests will lean in with you.

A Simple Napa Vow Outline (Fill-in Friendly)

1. Opening line: “When I think of you…” or “Standing here in Napa Valley with the people we love…”

2. Short story: one moment that shows your relationship in action.

3. Five promises: a mix of practical, emotional, and aspirational.

4. Gratitude: who they are and what they’ve given you.

5. Closing: a clear commitment for the life you’re building.

Sample Vows (Short & Ceremony-Ready)

Playful + Heartfelt
“Standing here among these vines, I promise to be your partner in curiosity, your co-pilot on wrong turns to new bakeries, and your calm during noisy days. I will protect your rest, cheer for your dreams, and share the last slice—even when it’s pear tart. I’ll choose us in the ordinary Tuesdays and the big, beautiful unknowns. I am yours, and I’m all in.”

Poetic + Minimal
“In this valley of light, I choose you. I promise presence over distraction, listening over winning, and wonder over certainty. I’ll keep our home full of warmth, music, and mercy. Every morning, every season—I choose you again.”

Secular-Spiritual
“With gratitude for the path that brought us to these hills, I vow to be your safe place, to tell the truth with kindness, and to fight fair. I will keep learning you, even when I think I already know. I’ll love you in motion and at rest, in harvest and in winter, all the days we’re given.”

Short LGBTQ+ Inclusive
“Before our family and friends, I promise to honor who you are and who you’re becoming. I’ll celebrate your wins, carry your worries, and keep choosing joy with you. I am proud to be your spouse and your home.”

Delivery Tips for Vineyard, Courtyard, and Cave Ceremonies

• Wind & acoustics: hold your page or card on a sturdy vow booklet; keep the mic 1–2 inches from your mouth.

• Lighting: caves/barrel rooms are dim—ask your planner for a small clip light or print bold type.

• Timing: 1–2 minutes each keeps ceremonies flowing and guests engaged.

• Keepsake: have vows re-printed on archival card stock for your photo flatlays and shadow box.

Integrated Closing for Napa Couples

There isn’t a “right” way to write vows—there’s your way. In a place as beautiful as Napa Valley, your words don’t need grandeur; they need truth. Speak plainly about why this person matters, what you promise to practice, and how you’ll keep choosing each other—on harvest days, foggy mornings, and every ordinary afternoon in between. That’s what makes vows unforgettable.

About the Contributor

Sara Sutera Sanchez, CMP is an accomplished Bay Area event producer with 13+ years designing and executing social, corporate, and non-profit experiences. Known for meticulous detail and creative calm, Sara helps couples feel fully present while delivering seamless celebrations.